I chose the name of Flame when I was about 19, and had been studying Wicca for about a year. About two years later, after a lot of personal growth, I added the surname of RavenHawk to acknowledge certain experiences that shaped who I have become. I have been known by this name for over a decade, and it's also my "nom de plume", the name I publish under. Although I still use my birth name in my mundane life, all my friends just call me Flame. Over the years, I have become Flame RavenHawk.
I was born in 1968. When I was only 3, I still vividly recall a dream of a past-life experience. It was so totally vivid that I can still remember it in detail to this day. As a child, I never even assumed that it was only a dream. I knew that it was a memory of a time when I lived before. I was too young at that point to think it was anything different. I basically assumed that I had remembered something that had happened to me before I had the body I have now. Children simply accept things. This was something I never questioned.
As I grew, I was raised Episcopal Christian (back-door Catholic). I sang in the church choir and was the soloist until about age 20. I definitely spent my share of Sundays in church. My mother was the church organist, so we went every Sunday, regardless. Yet, from the age of 6, I spent all of my free time in the woods around my house. I spent all the time I could running through the forests in my semi-rural upstate New York home.
By the time I was 14, I was ready for Confirmation in my church. This involved classes and lessons in higher theology. I was forced to actually think about the religion I had been born to. I believe that I really annoyed the priest by actually reading the lessons assigned and coming back the next week and asking questions. Most of my classmates skimmed through it. Without going into detail, the questions I asked left me with more questions. I went through with the confirmation, but only because it was expected of me. I didn't feel, at 14, like I was ready to commit to any religion. Instead, I felt like I was cut adrift.
I continued to find solace in the woods. I could relate to the animals and trees better than I could relate to this big "bearded guy in the clouds". I noticed that whenever I was troubled (and as a teenager, weren't we all?) I would find myself going outside to seek peace. When I was about 15 or so, I first heard the definition of Pantheism. This doctrine, as I understood it, equated God with all of the natural laws and forces of the Universe. I realized that this is how I had always understood God, but never had a word for it. I was relieved. I did believe that God was in everything around me, not just at the altar in my Sunday church. I was Pantheist.
This realization was a relief, but it also created a lot of turmoil. I had come to a pretty major turning point and realization. I had to come to terms with the fact that the Christian church and I had some pretty big points of disagreement. I believed in reincarnation. They did not. I believed that I could reach God directly through my contact with Him and His creations. They did not. At age 16, I finally acknowledged that I was not a Christian, by their definitions. I did not believe that Jesus was my only path to God. I fully believed that I could reach God through my own diligent interaction. I had felt God in the woods, and in all of His living creatures.
By 16, I had heard of the term "Pagan". It was like someone studied my thoughts and beliefs and then wrote a definition. By then, I believed that there were many paths to divinity. I believed that the Earth was Sacred. I believed that I could personally interact with the Divine. I sought further answers.
By 18, I had heard of Wicca, and began studying in the only way most of us have: through books. I began to learn of the traditions, and study the ways that Wicca believes and operates in the world. I found an instant affinity to Wicca, except for one point... Although I intellectually believed in a Goddess, I only had experience with God. It made sense that there should be a Goddess, but I had never "met" Her. My studies were an intellectual exercise. This search is written about in the piece Suffer the Effort
When I was 19, my life was changed. On a balmy summer night, with a full moon shining, I met Her for the first time. I cannot possibly describe it, except to say that it was so powerful as to transform my entire life. She spoke to me and told me that I was to be a teacher. I actually had the nerve to say "what?". Her will IS.
So I buckled down to my studies, and began to take this whole thing very seriously, indeed. I experienced true bliss while I learned about the path my life was taking. I found intense joy in exploring Her many faces and all the realms of Divinity. That next summer, I attended my first Pagan Gathering, and everything that I have ever felt in my life was solidified. I felt validation! There are a lot of other people who believe as I do, and they know a whole lot more than I do! Here's a perfect chance to learn from those who are living the life I want to live!
I shared my joy with my family, and delightfully! they discovered hidden places in themselves where this awareness could seep in. They borrowed books from me, and we learned together. Eventually, we began to connect with others of a like mind, to share experiences. With our family connections, we began to link with others who shared our sense of wonder of the world, the sanctity of the Earth, and our Sacred connection to Divinity. BirchTree Circle had begun.
By default, I found myself typically in a position where I helped to arrange and organize our celebrations. Early in 1995, I was ordained into the ministry by the Universal Life Church, primarily as a means to minister to a member of our Circle who had become incarcerated. My ordination was witnessed and affirmed by BirchTree Circle in a ceremony at the Spring Equinox, 1995.
I consider my role as minister to fulfill the mandate given to me by the Lady all those many summer nights ago. She asked me to fulfill her message. I attempt to do so. Since the advent of the Internet, learning and sharing knowledge and inspiration is easier than ever. I've spent the past decade teaching and counseling via correspondence online, as well as in person.
My teaching style reflects my personal beliefs: I do not proselytize. I do not preach. My truth is not YOUR truth. I live my life on life's terms, and your terms will be different. I will freely share what I have learned. I will not claim knowledge that I do not have. I am by no means perfect. I admit my flaws. I will aid anyone who asks for direction on how to find Divinity in their own life. My goals are to continue to learn, grow, and live in peace.
Namaste.