I’ve often had people ask me where I learned all this “stuff” about magick and metaphysical subjects. They want to know how do I know what I know? The question is often asked as though hoping I can offer up a title of a book or a name of a teacher that can impart similar knowledge. I often answer that I’ve spent a lifetime learning what I share with others. What I write and share at the Firepit is a byproduct of my life experiences. My knowledge is a synthesis of many different sources of information and experiences throughout my life.
I learned meditation from my paternal grandfather starting at age 3. “Self-hypnosis” was a new area of interest to the medical community in the early 1970's, and my grandfather, a retired Doctor, decided to create his own experiment using 'self-hypnosis' tapes. He used family members as test subjects. Of all our family, I was the one who mastered the skill easiest, and he theorized that it was because I was so young that my thinking was not yet as rigid as an adult. This early training became one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. As a child, learning how to steady my thoughts and travel within taught me that connecting with my inner nature was my birthright.
I began learning earth-lore at summer camp when I was 5. I remember a really cool counselor teaching us how to be silent and wait for deer to come, as well as how to identify the plants and wildlife in an area. I learned to pay attention, honor the earth, and listen to the what nature had to teach us. Both camps I attended as a child also taught respect for Native American lore and wisdom, which instilled the concept that the Earth should be honored and cared for.
I got my first "starter" tarot-style deck when I was about 8. Called “Gypsy Witch” (Fortune Telling Playing Cards), each card had a brief explanation written on its face. I got this deck from my paternal grandmother, who thought of the deck as a game. I began my study of divination with these cards, by doing regular readings for myself and friends, and taking note of results.
By 10, I was leading seances and working with Ouija with the neighborhood kids. I don't recall having anyone specifically teach me how to do this, however. The seances started out as party games, until people started figuring out that real spirits showed up when I was there. (This was in the days of the movie “The Exorcist”, and we were fascinated by what lies beyond the veil.) I experimented with contacting the Spirit Worlds, and found what worked and what didn’t. Although the Spirit Worlds were a bit spooky, I never had any fear that I would contact something that I couldn’t control.
This is the age that I also started 'living' in the woods during free time and summer vacation, often coming home only to sleep at night. I spent my summers on a small island in Massachusetts, where our family had a cottage with no modern conveniences at all. I learned to live without electricity or indoor plumbing, and lived closer to the earth. I built forts, tracked animals, and made friends with the spirits of the trees, rocks, and critters. I spent a lot of time on my own, learning directly through experience. I was a very intuitive child, and followed what felt 'right'.
At 11, I had an amazing science teacher in 6th grade, who taught an after-school elective class called "Would You Believe?" From her, I learned visualization skills, how to read auras, telepathy, and dowsing. Since these extraordinary things were being taught by my science teacher, I learned the deeper lesson that these skills aren't contrary to science. She was also the first credible adult who told me that there was a reality beyond ordinary senses, and that extrasensory perceptions can be taught and strengthened with practice.
By 12, I began studying astrology through books, as well as doing past-life regressions on my friends. I was popular at slumber parties, what with the seance, Ouija & "hypnosis tricks" I could do! I’d bring my pillow, candles, and the “Gypsy Witch” deck, and we’d stay up all night playing metaphysical games.
I also inherited a book on tarot from my Great-Aunt who had recently passed away. I knew her as a dear, sweet old lady who doted on my mother as the daughter she never had. She had considered me her granddaughter, and I thought of her more fondly than my own grandmother, her sister. She appeared unexpectedly to me during a "slumber-party seance" shortly after her death to tell me that she'd be my Spirit Guide. This was my first deeply profound moment on the Astral, and it matured my outlook considerably. My encounter with my Great Aunt moved me past using the Spirit Worlds for party games, and into an arena for personal growth. I mark that as my formal start of my "studies", since I agreed to her guidance. That obligated me to listen within, and that, of course, is the critical ingredient for personal growth.
By 13, I got my first real tarot deck and began doing readings for myself and others. Also, although I thought of myself as a very spiritual person, I finally abandoned the idea that I could possibly be a Christian and believe what I believed. I began to consciously link my spirituality with the meditation, nature-connections, and spirit-world work I had been practicing. I began gobbling up books on astrology, tarot, runes, psychic gifts, and all things metaphysical. I went to psychic fairs if one came to town, but basically studied on my own via books.
By 18, I found Scott Cunningham's "Earth Power", which made it all "click" for me. I finally had a name for what I had been doing all my life! I began learning the theory of spellwork from Cunningham, and from direct personal experience. From there, I was drawn to Wicca, and began learning the basic forms and structures via Buckland.
I had an amazing epiphany experience at age 19, after an intense period of questioning and exploring my views on religion and spirituality. I had been studying Wicca for about a year, when the Goddess unexpectedly revealed Herself to me, wrenching open my awareness of the Universe. It was a sudden, transformative experience, inspiring me to commit to my studies with an intensity that continues unabated years later.
I attended my first Pagan Gathering when I was about 21, which plugged me into the reality that there were lots of other people who think and believe like I do. Until that point, I had studied on my own, guided by my own intuition, the inspiration of my great-aunt, and the Goddess Herself. From that point on, I went to workshops galore, learning from many different people, from many different traditions. While at University, I plugged into the online community (starting in the BBS days before the Internet) and began learning from others in that way, as well.
My years of meditation paid off as I began my Shamanic work in my mid-20's. I was honored by making connections with several excellent Spirit Guides, who helped me explore the World of Spirit in greater depth and intensity than I had previously done.
My enthusiasm and studies drew my family into Paganism, and we began celebrating the Sabbats with one another and a few pagan friends we'd met along the way. By default, I was typically the one to lead the circle, so I was dubbed "HPS". Not bound into any specific tradition, our Circle celebrated in a home-made Wiccan style. We came together to celebrate the cycle of seasons and our connection with Divine.
I'm in my mid-30's now, and I continue to learn from books, from others via workshops and online, and from the guided meditations that I do as part of my Shamanic practices. I am now also an active member of my local Pagan community, and we meet at least monthly to schmooze and trade ideas. I'm a perpetual student. I'll never stop learning until my brain either gets full or gives out.
~Flame RavenHawk
August 2, 2003