I don't have a familiar, per se, although I do have many animal companions. I've always felt close to non-human life, and easily make friends with animals and other "critters". I have three cats, (two are black, by sheer chance) who sometimes join me in circle, and know enough to leave me alone during meditation. I wouldn't necessarily call them my Familiars, though.
I have companion relationships with many different species. In addition to a lifetime of cats, I've also faithfully maintained an aquarium for many years, thereby supporting an entire aquatic habitat. I have a Betta fish named Rainbow that I talk to and interact with daily. (At least I admit it!) We also recently welcomed a Tarantula into our home, although it’s hard to imagine that I’ll ever actually get affectionate with that species. In addition to the creatures I care for under my roof, I also provide food, water and shelter to several flocks of local birds of many different species. Small wildlife such as rabbits, opossum, raccoons, squirrels, and chipmunks are also welcome to dine at my feeders.
I think it's totally possible to develop a close, personal relationship with animal companions. We become more humble as humans after we've made deep connections with other species. Developing such relationships outside our own species is a large component to many people’s pagan practices. Beyond gaining a better appreciation for life’s diversity, animals can also help us grow spiritually. However, you can have a very close, personal relationship with your animal companions without having them be your "Familiar".
A "Familiar" describes a very specific magical relationship between a magick-user and a member of the animal kingdom. The Familiar can and does participate in the magick performed by the person. The spirits of both the human and the animal are often intimately woven, and thought to continue for multiple lifetimes. It is said that the human's spirit can join with the animal to go on journeys, and that the animal's spirit can join with the humans’, to give the human the animal's senses. Beyond merely feeling each others emotions, the needs of the one are felt keenly by the other. The spirits of the human and the Familiar are entwined and perhaps even inseparable.
The spiritual relationship that can develop between animals and humans is so profound and magickal that it becomes a "commodity" that is eagerly sought by people new to their journey of spiritual discovery. As a result, a rare and profound relationship is often reduced to a "cool fad".
It sounds really cool, so everyone "wants one". But truthfully, a genuine familiar/magick-user relationship is very rare, and usually develops only after one is well advanced in the craft. Although many of us develop intuitive understanding of the animals around us, the familiar relationship runs soul-deep. It is far more common to wish one has a familiar, and try to make all of one's pets fit that standard.
You also see this same phenomenon at work when choosing a magickal name and connecting to specific pantheons. Often, popular trends initially guide choices in these areas. Familiars, Animal guides, Totems, Magickal Names, and Gods & Goddesses are often chosen for initially superficial reasons, but that doesn't mean that those early choices should be completely dismissed. Just because a “fad” inspired a connection doesn’t invalidate the connection made and the things learned. The inspired choices we make while in the early stages of our spiritual journeys can still be helpful in guiding us toward a more deeper understanding of ourselves and our higher purpose. The animals we connect to all have things to teach us.
What we are truly seeking from a Familiar can be found in Animal Spirit Guides. An Animal Spirit Guide is a magickal relationship that helps us learn and grow to a more complete spiritual maturity. Called by many names: Totems, Animal Guides, or Spirit Guides, they all work in essentially the same way. They're not necessarily there to "represent" us, although they often do reveal hidden aspects of ourselves. Rather, they come to teach us specific lessons that we were born into this lifetime to learn. Our Spirit Guides remember what our higher purpose is, and they appear in our life to help guide us toward that higher purpose.
By definition, we initially don't know why they have appeared in our life. We initially don't know what lessons they have for us. That's exactly why they come to us. It is up to us, the seeker, to listen and learn from the guide that is sent. Because the deepest truth about Familiars and Animal Spirit Guides is that we don't choose them... they choose us. And when it happens, you aren't in any doubt whatsoever that you have been chosen and have work to do.
In the meanwhile, if a seeker feels a strong affinity for a particular animal, they should feel welcome to identify with it and learn from the experience. Associating with a “popular” animal such as Dolphin, Wolf, or Eagle can still have value for personal growth. Perhaps some currently popular animals are making their energy known to so many because there is a larger message to be shared with the world. The animals that become trendy are perhaps speaking to the issues that are being faced by our current society. If that’s the case, Dolphin might be calling for us to reconnect to our emotions and our sense of playful intelligence. Eagle might be calling for us to reconnect with our higher spiritual selves, and Wolf might be reminding us of the spiritual and magickal strength that we all have hidden deep within us.
Although we sometimes act like it, humans aren’t the only species of value on this planet. Their value goes beyond their contribution to the delicate balance of the web of life. Both Familiars and Animal Spirit Guides can contribute to the spiritual growth of the human species. However, don't mistake the genuine, deep connection you have with your pets to be the same as a "Familiar" relationship. Your connection with your animal companions still has value to you both, even without that particular kind of enmeshed relationship. If a Familiar is meant for you, it will often happen when you least expect it. If you are blessed with that relationship, cherish it and learn well from the gift.
~Flame RavenHawk
April 21, 2003